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Friday, 24 July 2015

implement or no?

So with being pregnant, then poorly, then removing consent for a few months, it really has meant that Dd is now very different for us.

It's strange as it is like we are starting again on one hand (pub not intended) and then again we are experienced.

He is remembering how to make certain choices, like how hard to spank, with what, and if he even should at all. And I am learning how to submit and to find the courage to let him punish me.

But psychologically we are very experienced. I know what he expects and what I need and expect from him. I don't feel a need to get a reaction from him to ensure he is consistent as we all do in the early days.

His style has changed very much (thank goodness). There was a day when he used all manner of implements. He would try something and if he thought that it worked for him he would get into an implement rut!

No (thankfully) he only uses his hand...don't get me wrong, my 6foot7 man with his size 13 feet and similarly sized hands pack a punch (not actually a punch - perhaps wrong choice of phrase!)

He also told me that he has always spanked in sets of 50! how horrible is that to find out - wish he hadn't have shared.

It is very strange to start again with Dd. Strange as in I guess I now see it from the 'other side' a lot more as I was on that side for a few months.

I completely see that it looks strange from the outside. I no longer feel a need to tell others whereas that was a huge part of me and my need to talk to others.

I am in contact daily with another Dd wife who I met years ago but otherwise I am quite happy to keep it a secret. It's personal and private and I am happy to listen to and submit to my husband but that is very much my choice and I would never suggest that it is suitable for everyone.

Monday, 20 July 2015

Dd of old and Dd now

Isn't it funny how different the Dd community is nowadays.

Back when we started we were following the LDD site which was new! Clint used to comment on ever single comment! I was very active all over the place in the Dd community. Fast forward 5 odd years and It's just what happens.

It does make me laugh when people new to Dd talk about curfews and internet allowances...I remember those days before everything finds it's own way and both of the couple settles into the lifestyle.

I remember really being conflicted between submission and fighting against it.

I wonder what a future of Dd has in stall!

Sunday, 19 July 2015

ARRR. Thank you kind people

It was so nice to hear from some of you.

I am half expecting a backlash from the family though, as no doubt they also signed up to receive my postings.

I am at the point though, where I am not sure I care.

Isn't it funny that years ago, this blog meant so much to me. I had so many hits a day and communication with so many that it was a huge part of my life.

Anyways....what has been happening to me.

A year ago I had baby number three.

I was very poorly after that for a very long time, this put Dd on hold as my husband and I were just floating along trying to cope with the new paradigm of our life.

After what I think may have been 6 years in a Dd marriage, I removed consent. He was devistated. I remember desperately wanting to follow him but at the same time hating the idea.

I had been so poorly for so many months that as I began to recover I felt so thankful to have control of my life again that the last thing that I wanted to do was to follow someone else's rules.

A few months went by, he waited and we fought, we were unhappy and signed up to counselling, Our, previously happy marriage had been torn apart, and I was to blame. Not because of my illness or removal of Dd consent but I had changed entirely.

That was then and now we have put Dd back into our lives. He was so happy when I finally made up my mind. It was strange getting back into it but we are now in full flow, as if nothing had changed.

It has taken him a while to readjust too. Almost like the old days when we were new to it. It took him a while to be consistent and me a while to be submissive.

Life with three tinies is challenging and exhausting! After almost six years of primarily being a stay at home Mum, I have realised that I need a career and to get stuck into something that I am passionate about. After a very long and competitive selection process I, along with 70 others out of 900, have been picked to start training as a midwife. I am so excited. It is going to be fabulous to support women the way midwives have supported me over the years.

So that's me.

It has been a challenging past 12 months but the next 12 are set to be much better!