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Thursday, 20 February 2014

Independent girl no more

I'm currently building up a business with my Dad. A week or so ago I was asked to go to Paris for a trade fair. I know Paris well and am well travelled but gone are the days since I would jet off without my husband.

He said he didn't want me to go. 

It turned out that my father and I decided that it wasn't the best business decision anyway. But I was furious that J didn't support me in going.

He said I was pregnant and used to being looked after so he worries that I would no longer be capable of looking after myself in a foreign  country.

Before marriage I was a very head strong and confident young woman  who ignored anyone who stood in my way if it prevented me from doing something that I wanted to do, even if they carried the voice of reason.

This week I had planned to go away with my two daughters. One is under a year and the other is four.

We planned to drive 5 hours to London, stopping on the way at my great aunt's house,  explore London for three days, then drive 3 hours to Bristol and stay with my family for a few days, leaving Daddy a week to work on an important work project.

Again London is a city I know well and driving Isn't something I worry about.

However something was different this time. I was apprehensive.  I was apprehensive about getting public transport sport with two tiny children and I was apprehensive about driving through an unknown city.

After the first terrible nights sleep with both children shouting all night, I was ready to call it a day and go home.  I was ashamed to admit that I really missed my man.

I missed his loving and protective arms around me and my girls at all times of the day and night

I felt so lonely and vulnerable without him.

The old me was furious with the new me. How pathetic and week. I'm an independent woman who needs no man to look after her. I can do anything,  I'm invisible!

No. None of that is true. I am a needy and vulnerable wife who is nothing without her strong man to lead her out of possible danger.

It's so lovely to be home now but I've been left shaken up. It's so silly. I feel like I've been through an ordeal. I made it 5 days away and drove hundreds of miles. 

I don't think I will be going away without him anytime soon. 

Monday, 10 February 2014

Told off at our daughter's party!

Our lovely first born turned four last week. It was emotional. School is beckoning come September.

I threw a huge party at a hall in town. It was carnival theme and I went a bit crazy. I planned it at Christmas time. With a home made hot dog stand, Daddy dressed as the ring master - Oh how apt! - and pop corn.  It was so much fun and the kids loved it.

I do always get a bit stressed at things like this. I worry that my massive plans won't play out.

My darling man, who is much more of a socializer than a cleaner-upper, spent the time aiming to help but getting distracted.

For what felt like the gazillionth time, I found him chatting to friends instead of helping, I asked him in a very frustrated tone, 'DARLING, will you PLEASE help', then as he was walking away I said to our friends, 'Oh God he always needs chivying along..'

I then turned around to see my man standing a foot above me looking down at me, 'I beg your pardon'. He said.
Aware of an audience I said to him in a slightly mocking tone, 'Sorry darling you are doing a marvelous job'.

He then stood there continuously saying, 'What did you say', and me trying to calm him down. I felt our friends pretend they were busy doing other things.

'Please don't do this in public' I said, in a desperate attempt to calm him down.

He then walked off to carry on cleaning up with me.

I was mortified.

Later I asked him to be careful and that we don't want people to think he is a nasty man. He replied, 'Well if you don't want that response, don't speak to me like that'.

I know he is clamping down on any hormonal tendencies but I think he may have been a little over the top. What do you think?