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Monday, 25 November 2013

Suprise Suprise

I haven't blogged for a while.

Life has been ridiculous.

We spent 7 days sleeping in a bed next to our 5 month old in hospital, who had pneumonia.

Then the day we got discharged, we found out that we are pregnant.

My whole world has turned upside down.

I almost died two years ago after a miscarriage and then again after my baby was born. My uterus hemorrhages when under stress. I have suffered from a bad dose of PTDS and PND and just when my world finally makes sense again, I get slapped in the face with this.

Yes I know we should have prevented this, but seriously we are just very fertile.

I don't know what to think.

I am terrified I won't cope with a four year old, a one year old and a new born. I am terrified that I might die if things don't go to plan, despite my local midwifery team being amazing (they have come up with a course of action for everything).

I am scared that my children won't have the loving upbringing that I so desperately crave to give to them.

I am scared for so many reasons.

Monday, 11 November 2013

Spread the Dd word?

I just had a lovely conversation with a British documentary maker.

It was nice to chat to someone openly about Dd who was interested in listening.

However I managed to articulate Dd, she was quite receptive to it.

She seemed to understand the normal relationship dynamics of power struggles, dominant shouty women and week men.

I asked her if she was convinced at the end of the conversation and she said, 'yeah, it makes total sense'!

I am very obstinately opposed to trying to change how others think about things but maybe I have my first convert!

If anyone fancies talking to this lovely lady, drop me an email

It can't do any harm! It was actually very fun.


Tuesday, 5 November 2013

Fingers crossed for my baby

On Friday, my 4-month-old was taken by ambulance to hospital.

She was diagnosed with pneumonia.

She wasn't eating and has been put on o2 to help her breathe.

It was really sad to see her struggling and with tubes coming out of her nose and a monitor attached to her toe.

Poor little thing. We are still here.

My husband refuses to leave the room. So he and I have been sharing a single pull-out bed next to her cot.

Today they are testing how she copes without the oxygen machine. Fingers crossed it works.

We really miss our eldest, a 3 and 1/4 year old who is staying with Nanny.

Hopefully we will be able to get out soon and be together again as a family, minus the breathing tubes.