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Friday, 29 June 2012

Dd when there's no spanking

I realise that I normally blog when a punishment has happened or is due but that I don't talk about Dd in a day to day scenario.

It dawned on me today that apparent Dd behaviour pops up  throughout the day in many different scenarios.

Half the time I float about with submission in my heart, the other half the time I enjoy moaning about it and looking heavenwards when I am told off about something or when my darling big Boss man calls me to task.

Today was one of those days where our paths didn't meet.  I got up with our daughter at 7am, while he slept till 11.30 (he worked last night).  I went off to work at 12:00 - 4:30 and I got home as he ran off to the gym.

When he got home he had ten minutes to shower before he ran off to work.

He came home while I was bathing our daughter and I had left the house unlocked with the key in the inside of the lock, meaning he was locked out! - Oopsie!

He was banging and banging on the door for ten minutes even the neighbours came out to check he was okay.

By the time I came down and found him, he wasn't pleased.  I ran off to be with our daughter, and also to be away from an angry, post exercise and therefore adrenaline filled husband.

He joined me upstairs where I was cleaning the bathroom (you see I am a good house wife!)

I said, 'Am I in trouble?'

'No' He said, rushing to get work.

Phew, bullet dodged.

He was changing in our bedroom, when I walked in.

I walked with a bit of a swagger, a swagger that said, YEY, I just dodged a spanking! WooHoo!!

And I think he could sense it.

'Come here' he commanded.  I walked up to him a stood, eye to eye, with him sitting on the edge of the bed (he's a large man!).

Whenever I am in trouble, it makes me feel tiny in comparison to him.  I am not small, I'm normally built, 5 foot 6, but he towers over me physically and with his presence.

'You are due some maintenance' he said.

I sighed and my light swagger turned into attitude and annoyance.  At one point I may even have raised an eyebrow.

He held me around my waist with one arm and placed his hand on my backside with the other.  When he does this it understandably makes me nervous.  He isn't subtle and I don't even think he realises he does it, but he does it is because he is considering spanking me.

'Do you understand?' He said.

'Yes, I said' with irritation in my voice.

He gave me the look and I became very serious, waiting to see if he would pounce.

'Yes what?' he said.

'Yes Sir' I said, with resignation in my voice.

He looped his finger around the belt loop in my jeans and drew me closer, still with this other hand on my backside.  I grabbed my backside instinctively to protect myself, just in case.

'Take your hand away' he said, 'I shall do as I please'.

I submissively put my hands by my side as he pulled me into an embrace with his hand in my belt loop.

'I need to go to work, now kiss me' he kissed me passionately. 'Be good and please sleep naked tonight' he said.

He then swatted me hard on the bottom, just to remind me of our roles and went to leave the house for work.

'One more thing darling.' He said. 'Can you iron my shirts for work tomorrow please?'

'Yes darling I will'.

He smiled his smile that means he is proud of me and left for work. 

And there you have it Dd bliss!


Thursday, 28 June 2012

Writing Lines

My husband, in his infinite wisdom, has started thinking up new punishments.
Sometimes he doesn't always think that spanking is necesary or appropriate and keeps it for certain transgressions.

A while ago he started giving me lines. I havent written lines since I was about 9. Even at secondary school they were deamed useless and a waste of time and instead we had to write essays.

Essays were horrible (shhhh don't tell my HOH) . You had to write four or six sides of A4 on topics like, 'why my behaviour was unacceptable' (as you can probably tell I had to write lots of these). The problem was that, in order to fill the space, you had to keep writing and you inevitably ended up slagging yourself off in the process.  I hated them.

My HOH has asked me to write essays in the past but recently his obsession is lines.
I didn't manage to finish the last ones that he set me - woopsie!
I wasn't given a time scale, left them in a pile of papers on my windowsill and ignored them, silently hoping that their very existence would disapear into the same void that eats my socks.

Alas nothing is lost on my husband and when he realised that I hadn't done them he doubled the number!!!

He also gave me a deadline - Monday.
It was Thursday and Monday seemed so far away, I thought 'it will be fine - I've got ages'.
Friday came and instead of working on my lines in my spare time, I thought, 'it'll be fine, I've got ages'. Saturday came and I really couldn't be bothered, then Sunday came.  The problem was that Sunday also brought cleaning, childcare and lots of work.

Thinking I would surely be spanked for poor time management, if nothing else, I came clean to the big boss man.

He was not amused and said we would deal with it the next day.
'Deal with it' generally means spanking, but he likes to keep me guessing.

On Monday evening I realised that I had a three hour window before he came home from work (he didn't say what time on Monday i had to do them!).  I cooked my darling dinner, made the house look immaculate and made a start on the 750 lines.

My darling called from work and said that I could stay up late and wait till he got home, so I made the most of my time and started writing.

I didn't put down my pen for the entire three hours.
I was so tired by the end that my eyes had gone blurry!

He came home and I finished them just as he came into the bedroom and sat on the bed! I felt very accomplished and happy that I had managed to dodge the paddle!

Here they are all 1000 of them in total (on the back too)!

It was such a boring task, but I guess that is the point!

Hopefully I wont have to do that again.


Sunday, 24 June 2012

Dd and being alone

When Dd came into my life, there was something missing for me.

I longed for friendship.

I longed for others who were in Dd relationships to talk to and to share stories.

To laugh with them about our husbands giving us 'the look' in a supermarket or to laugh at the fact that we said something rude at the most inapropriate moment.

I wanted some friends who I could call upon when Dd was tough, when I needed assurance and guidance, when I didn't understand my own feelings or actions.

Dd makes us analyse everything so much and this means that I have a real need for support.

I am very social and really value my friends and meeting new friends is also very important to me.

My prayers were answered when I found the LDD Network.

Finally I found a bunch of like minded women who I could share my feelings and thoughts with, as well as have a laugh.

It was also a great feeling to finally be able to talk to people and openly be able to say, 'I have to go in a moment my husband wants me off the internet' or 'I can't be long I have a spanking imminent'.

Months have now gone by and I am getting that same yearning.

Last night I went to a choral recital at a local church, and the bruises from a recent punishment could be felt throughout, against the hard wooden pews.

I thought, 'I would love to be able to tell my girl friend why I am uncomfortable'.

I cannot lie.  It is a fact that I am a terrible liar and I rarely even bother to try.  I just tell the truth even when it is not the best idea.  Like when I was pregnant I didn't want to tell anyone, but when asked by a few nosey girl friends I said 'yes, yes I am' even though I wanted to lie! And not telling my friends about Dd really feels like I am lying to all of them.

I am quite open about my husband being in charge, and that helps.  I even admit to having to go home at a certain time in parties.  But talking to others is just so important to me and right now I am feeling rather alone.

It feels like I am on Dd island staring out into sea not being able to communicate with anyone.

When I joined the LDD network, the very first time I logged on, a woman from the UK popped up on chat and started talking to me.  Months went by and we exchanged facebook details, and eventually we exchanged mobile phone numbers.

It was great to be able to text her when I needed to as well as offer her support when she needed it.  It was also great to have a friend, however virtual, who understands the background behind my actions in life (Dd and all its components).

The other day something crazy happened.  I love to text this friend of mine, but we have never met, nor spoken on the phone.

I was working on a community project and went to call my husband.  I clicked what I thought was a text of his and pressed the call button on my mobile phone.

Expecting my husband to call, I was rather taken aback when a woman answered, also sounding surprised.

'Charlie!' came the voice on the other end.

I began to scan through my memory as to who it might have been.  I had called a long list of people that day for the community project and figured it must be one of them.

'I'm sorry' I said, 'I think I have dialed the wrong number, who is this?'

The voice then informed me that it was my Dd friend from the network.

An instant feeling of panic mixed with excitement filled my veins!  I would never have had the courage to call her under normal circumstances, and I couldn't believe I had, especially as I was sat next to someone that I was working with.

We started chatting, a very easy and flowing conversation, considering we had never actually met before!

It was lovely to finally make real interaction with another person in Dd.

She even said, when I asked her about something, 'I could never do that, my husband would never let me'.

I have never actually heard anyone other from myself say those words and it was refreshing.

I walked around with a smile on my face all day after that conversation.

So Dd friend, this is for you, thank you for being on the other end of a text when all I want to say is things like 'I don't want to do these lines' or 'he is being really strict at the moment'.


And to anyone else who feels alone, join the LDD network, on there you will find friends and laughter, support and advice and never any nastyness or judgement.


Saturday, 23 June 2012

Always in trouble

They say that it never rains but it pours.

I went for weeks without a spanking (if you don't count maintenance), but now my husband is set to give me my fourth spanking of the week!

I am thinking that this may be a record! - It is for me that's for sure.

I am not intentionally naughty, but it all seems to happen at once!

Last night when my husband was at work I wanted to do two things.

1) Go up into the loft to get some paint so that I could touch up the toddler crayon and food on our living room walls, and
2) Light a bonfire in the garden to burn some of my college work that I can't store and don't want to keep.

'Light a fire? isn't that drastic' - I hear you cry!

Well probably, but it was too much to throw away.  There were about 20 wall sized fabriano paintings (thick wallpaper type paper) and I had nowhere to store them.

So I thought about going into the loft to get the paint.  My husband has forbade me from doing this when he is away, as our ladder is dangerous and if I fell no one would know I was hurt.  So I thought, I will be obedient and didn't go into the loft. - Hoorah, one point to me for being submissive!

I was sat in the living room and the pile of paintings were staring at me.  I wanted to tidy up the house so I decided to go outside and burn them.

I placed them in an old metal incinerator and it just so happens that we had found a large bottle of paraffin earlier in the day, so I thought I would use that to light the fire.  I also added some lighter fluid for good measure!

At the back of my mind a tiny voice was saying, 'Charlie this is dangerous, and if it's dangerous you might be in trouble'.

But I silenced that voice of reason and lit the fire.

It was nice and dramatic and soon it bored me so I left it to burn and went indoors.

Nothing dramatic happened, though I did realise afterwards that the bin would burn a hole in the grass, in an area where my husband had just reseeded our lawn - oopsie!

I was sitting in the living room watching television when I realised that my curfew had ended.

I decided to not make any possible situation worse and obediently left my computer downstairs (my internet had ended for the evening too) and go up to bed.

After I had sorted out my daughter and got ready for bed I was 15 minutes over my curfew.

My husband deducts any time that I go over my curfew off of my normal bed time which is 11pm when he isn't there.

There is rationale behind this, I sometimes get into something that I am enjoying have been known to stay up till the early hours reading, watching a film, and then am too tired the next day to function properly as a mother and wife.

I was lying in bed ready to go to sleep when I thought I would text my husband to see if I was in trouble.

It went like this:

Me: "Darling, would you be angry if I lit a bonfire in the garden without you here and used lighter fluid and parafin?"

Him: "No, so long as you told me before and we discuss safety guidelines.  Also you wouldn't need both so that would be excessive."

Me: "I already did it :( x"

Him: "Why?  Why does all hell break out when I am out at work, we will deal with this in the morning".

Time went by, I was still up and it was now past midnight. Although I had left my computer downstairs, I had stupidly stayed online on my smartphone, or Twitter, downloading new apps and texting a friend who was also in trouble with her husband (you know who you are! :) )

Me: "Okay darling, I'm sorry I love you"

Him: "It is after midnight, why are you still awake?"

Me: "I didn't want to go to sleep"

Him:  "Why? It is a rule for a reason"

Me: "I was enjoying having me time"

Him: "And have you gone over your internet?"

Me: "Yes...Sorry :("

Feeling it all spiraling at this point and visualizing the implements lining up.

Him: "Right well clearly we need to deal with this now. I will be home at 1am I will spank you when I get in"

Now I was scared! He has woken me up before when a spanking was important and couldn't wait till the morning, but I really didn't want him to.

Me: "Please don't do that, it isn't fair to wake me up"

Him: "You should have thought of that when you broke your rules"

Me: "Please don't, what if you wake up the neighbors, they would be really concerned"

Him: "OK, I am too tired anyway, but I WILL spank you in the morning"

Me: "Thank you, I'm sorry.  Love you"

Him: "Love you too, naughty wife"

So it is now 9AM, and he hasn't woken up yet.

He has to leave for work at 10AM, so not sure if he has set his alarm and allowed enough time to squeeze in a spanking.

Darn it! How did everything get so bad last night! What was I thinking.

I said I was talking to a friend till late.  She told me that she had shredded her husband's transgressions list after having a row with him last night!

I was thinking, crikey I wouldn't want to be her right now.

Just as I realised that I had managed to break so many rules in one night!

Darn it! Perhaps I should have thrown the cane and belt on the fire while I was at it! How much worse could it be!

Yeah maybe that's not such a good idea!

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Actions = Consquesnces

My HOH is stepping things up and as the queen would say 'One is not amused' (imagine snooty posh English accent here).

He came down hard for my series of silly actions which meant that I missed work - woops!

I was lectured and then lectured some more.

Why oh why, do I have a habit of laughing and smirking when he lectures me!?
It is so silly, but when he tells me off for it I laugh even more.  I am like a naughty little school girl.

The worst part about my punishment was the fact that he was able to say, 'You see darling, I was right!'

I hate it when he has justification to say that! - darn it!

So how did this start?

It started with the words, 'honestly darling you can trust me'.

I asked for trust that I could manage my own internet time, well it turns out that I can't, having gone over my internet time, missing my curfew and then slept in and didn't go to work.

I don't think that the words 'you can trust me' will be uttered again.

So how did he handle it?

It's natural I guess, just as a cat goes around spraying to mark his territory, so my husband marks his with new rules.

So we shall see how this next phase of Dd goes.

I must finish this blog post now, my HOH is sat next to me telling me that maintenance is due (I was rude last night to him),  Sigh, off I go!  

I think I liked it better when I wasn't punished so much.


Monday, 18 June 2012

Being an idiot, and knowing the inevitable is coming

Oh darn it.

I have been an idiot.

I have caused a spiral of events because I didn't follow a simple rule of my husbands.

This means that two things are bound to happen.
1 - he will have full right to say the dreaded words 'I told you so'!
2 - a spanking is on it's way.

I hate when things like this happens.

At the time I think, what is the worst that can happen, then the whole darn house of cards comes tumbling down around me, and so do the implements!

So let me take you back to the beginning.

I finished college and without having any rest time or relaxation time, I took on an even more stressful job.

My husband told me not to, I didn't listen, I can't say no to people and I was coerced into organising a large event for artists in my local town.

I managed to get others involved so it's not all me, but despite that I spend all day everyday working towards this, and it's completely voluntary.  

Because of this I am not spending enough time with my daughter and the house is a state!

Ontop of that I haven't spent any time just relaxing, so I have spent two nights this week staying up later than I was allowed, and playing around on the internet.

I managed to persuade my HOH to give me more internet time, this was probably a mistake as I am now online all night, and consequently I don't go to bed at the right time.

He made me go to bed even earlier last night to make me sleep, but I ignored him and stayed up later.

I don't know why I do this, basically I am an idiot!  I am no shattered and can't wake up, am staring at the load of dirty dishes and have loads of work to do while my daughter is playing happily at my feet.

To top it all off, this morning because I was so tired, I forgot to go to work! I teach English to a spanish guy on Monday mornings and I just forgot! I was so tired I got up with daughter and went back to sleep while she watched TV in bed with me.  

The place where I teach called my dad, who is also my boss, who came round my house and woke me up!

So because of my stupidity, I have a dirty house an angry student, work and father, I am tired and I still have more to do!

And all this because I am plain stupid!

Oh well, my husband is home this afternoon, he will no doubt sort it all out for me.  In more ways than one!


Friday, 15 June 2012

Complete DD breakdown

I didn't ever see myself writing this post.

But learning from our mistakes is an important step in life, in marriage and in DD.

I am not entirely sure how this 'breakdown' happened, but it was a culmination of events which lead to my HOH giving up and my submission becoming non existent.

Two things began this horrible incident.

One, I have been working very hard and so my thoughts of submission have really been on the back burner.

And two, my HOH has been poorly.

Normally when I have been busy, I end up being rude and indignant and he comes down hard and I get a seriously warmed behind.

However, this time, I was rude but he was poorly and so let it go.

He has a terrible back at the moment and is in more pain than I have ever seen him in.  It is really hard to see your lovely, normally strong man, crumble and be able to do nothing about it.

My HOH, a musician, had a music video being filmed at our house and due to me being so busy, it was a mess.

On Monday, I had my first art exhibition and it was very exciting.  The next morning we agreed to wake up early and tackle the house together.  I awoke at 7.30 am, and thought I would get a head start, before the alarm went off at 8.

8 o'clock came and no sign of awake husband.

8.30 came and still no husband.

I was annoyed at this stage as I was downstairs dully cleaning so that his video shoot went well and he had turned the alarm off and gone back to sleep.

I went to wake him up, he said he was coming downstairs.  He didn't show up.

By the time he came downstairs, it was half an hour before the videographer was due to arrive and I had finished cleaning.

I was livid.  I carried on in the kitchen as he got himself breakfast and said in my head, 'play it cool C, you know that you want to be rude and shout your mouth off, but lets try and avoid a spanking'

But I couldn't control myself.  I started calmly, 'It would be nice if you said thank you to me for cleaning up for your shoot today'.

Then came the thank yous but no apology and my temper rose.

Everything escalated  until I walked out.

This was utter defiance as far as he was concerned and he sat me down at the table in the dining room and lectured me.  This is when my anger turned to utter rudeness and fury.  I was vile, a real b***h.  His videographer was around the corner and he made it clear that I wouldn't get away with it.

I thought, oh rubbish, this isn't going to be pretty.

So once the videographer left, I was rather apprehensive. - But nothing happened.

The evening went by and still nothing happened.

The next day I was rushing around to go to a meeting and he went to get my bicicle out of the shed, so that I could cycle there and get to the meeting faster.

There was some problem with my bike, and instead of dealing with this in a rational way, I got mad, shouted 'F***-it then' and threw my helmet across the room, in front of our daughter.

He marched straight up to me, told me that it was unacceptable behaviour and that we would deal with it later.

I, still fuming from the day before because he had been so lazy and then not followed through with a punishment said, 'oh no you wont', and blatantly refused to submit.

I ran off to my meeting. When I returned he said that we were going upstairs to sort out my attitude.

Again I said, 'you are not going to spank me'.

I then told him, 'You can't turn it off and on, why should I submit when you always take me for granted and then you don't follow through with punishments'.

We carried on backwards and forwards but my anger was clear and so was my adamant refusal to submit.

And he gave in.

He walked into the other room and carried on with his evening.  I went into the room shortly after and he looked like a man who was crushed.  He had sadness in his eyes and he was hurting.  I felt terrible, I had caused him to feel like that and I had hurt him and I had hurt our family.

I am not sure why I reacted the way I did, it was totally out of character. I was so angry, and he too was not strong as he normally is, due to being poorly.

I went upstairs, not having the courage to admit to him that I had been wrong.

Half an hour later, I drew him close and he burried his head in me as we cuddled.

'I'm sorry'. I said 'I will do what you want me to do'.

And then with all the strength I had I submitted to a spanking, to finish the horrible 48 hours, to reassure him of my love and submission and to help him feel strong and leader-like again.

DD has so many ups and downs and no one is ever perfect in any situation.  We just do our best.
But one thing is for sure, each time we have a set back, we return stronger from it, me more submissive and willing, and he stronger and more of a leader.

Saturday, 9 June 2012

When DD becomes subconscious

Yesterday an amusing thing happened.

Usually if I am rude to my husband in public he gives me 'the look'.  To other people it looks like 'I'm not amused' but to me it either means 'stop now or I will do it for you' or it means 'the line has already been crossed and you are in trouble'.

Yesterday my Dad and his girlfriend were at my house.  My husband was going out and put on his gym shoes.  I know I know, this is NOT a big deal.  But at the time I thought that he looked terrible.  In the UK wearing sports shoes under jeans is NOT a good look!

So I told him so.  But I nagged, I went on and on, falling into cliche woman territory.

He turned to me and said out loud.  'I'll use my shoe for something else in a minute'.

Although the guests laughed, I am pretty sure that they didn't get the reference, but still I thought it was rather risky.

My reaction was to laugh out loud as we were all joking when he said it, but I was rather shocked!

I couldn't believe that he had said something like that in front of other people.

Later on he told me that he didn't even realise that he had said it, it was subconscious.

He has done this before, not so obviously though, and it works the trick.

I end up thinking, Oh Gosh, please don't say anything more obvious, if I  shut up right now maybe he will leave it.

Then yesterday on the LDD Network, a fellow DD-er's husband is from England.

She asked, 'what is it will Brits and spanking with slippers?' - she has a point.

At my primary school there was a classic granddad slipper used for just that purpose.

A heavy-bottomed, rubber soled thing, to give any naughty children an even heavier bottom!

'That may not be so bad' I hear you cry.  Well try it with a husband with UK size 13 (US14) feet!!!

Hopefully I won't have to find out! 

Thursday, 7 June 2012

We had a spanking good time!

So we are back from our min-break.

Miles of green fields, campfires and cider for the grown ups and rounders and farm animals for the kids.  It was idyllic, glorious, relaxing and.......................................spank-free!

Yeha! And as much as I don't want to admit it, I think the spanking I received for the sake of 'this is what happens if you don't behave, actually worked!

It was short and not exactly sweet, but it prevented something much longer and more painful.

I am pretty sure that boot camp is around the corner :(

However I think I have a new take on maintenance.  I used to think it was horrible.  Just before it happens as I walk towards him I think, 'this isn't fair, I haven't done anything'.  However if it is that every-so-often or a heavy, horrible thrashing once a month, I know what I would choose!

Maintenance seems to act to remind me who is in charge but you know, I think it also works to remind me just how horrible a spanking can be.  After a week or two I forget.  I know that sounds silly but it's true.

I forget just how horrible it is, but maintenance reminds me!

Sunday, 3 June 2012

Spanking and a tent

This weekend marks the end of a very long slog of hard work, little sleep and a lack of attention towards my family.

I mentioned in my last post just how supportive my wonderful husband is.

The problem is that if I haven't cleaned my house, cooked and done all the duties that I consider to be my role, I feel somewhat of a failure.

My HOH never inforced this onto our marriage, it is my doing.

My mother did very little around the house or with me as a child, by the end of my parents marriage, she sat on her unspanked behind watching my father bring in the bacon, clean and cook all the meals.

Yes sure he allowed this to happen and this is 50% of the problem, but for me to keep the house in tip top condition, our child well played with and my husband and her happy, I feel that I am succeeding which makes me very very happy.

It cleanses me to feel that I am sat in a perfect home, with food all prepared etc.

My HOH does his fair share, with childcare and cooking, but he never takes it for granted what I do for him.

Earlier on today he sent me this text message, after coming home briefly for a break in the middle of a four-day-weekend of gigs.

'Hey darling, I just wanted to tell you
how much I love you. You looked so
gorgeous when I got home and the
house was so beautifully kept, I really
appreciate you making such an effort
my lovely, thank you so much.  It
makes me feel really special to come
home to such a beautiful family and
house.  I love you so much xxx'

I really think that was the nicest text message I have ever seen.

So after all this work we are going away for three days.
I love camping, so we are camping in a lovely area in Cornwall this week, with our little girl.  Just us, fresh air, and walking and having fun.

We haven't spent that much time together recently, so it will be a challenge.  I fully intend to go into the holiday as model wife and mother, but what happen if I slip?

I have a tendency to be rude, I really don't mean to but it happens.

What if he needs to punish me? There is nowhere where this can happen.  We are in canvas, surrounded by other people under canvas.

I am intrigued as to how he will deal with this, but I don't plan of testing it.

So we shall see, we leave on Tuesday.

I am really looking forward to it.

Friday, 1 June 2012

Exhaustion and Maintenence

Today marks the final day of my two year Foundation Diploma in Fine Art! HOOORAH!

It has been a very hard slog.
For the past four weeks I have been powering hard to get the best grade, working all day at college, and getting home and working some more.

I have been rude at times, not seriously, but snappy.  

It is because I have been under pressure and I haven't slept well. But no excuse for it.

Last night I was SOOOOOOOOOO shattered that I crawled into the house, dragged myself around till bed time where I plonked myself in bed and checked my email.

I could barely keep my eyes open when my darling came into the room.

He sat on the bed. 'Come here' he said, beckoning me to our usual spanking place - the edge of the bed.

I couldn't believe it, was he really going to spank me now? 

'I haven't done anything' I said indignantly.

'You need it' he said.  Talk about taking the initiative!

I knew he was right though and I was too tired to put up much of a fight!

I laid there, too tied to even squirm.

It was lovely to feel like he was in control, tired or no.

The thing is that this course has always been a dream of mine.  At school when I was choosing what to do at university, I wanted to do a course like this so that I could go on to university and study art, but my parents wouldn't let me.  They said that if I did they wouldn't financially support me (not that they did anyway!), they believed that I would 'doss' around and not get a 'real' job.

My reaction, as the rebellious woman that I am, was to do as I was told and not do the art course, but at the same time leave the country and go to Mexico to work as a volunteer with underprivileged children.

Years go by and I marry my wonderful man, a full time musician and proof that you can follow your dreams and still make enough money to support your family.

After our daughter was born, I was feeling antsy.  I had previously worked as a journalist and had also been studying hard and now I was a full-time Mum, with nothing to occupy my spare time.

My wonderful man encouraged me to apply for the course, taking our daughter for two days a week.

He made my dream come true.  It was my only 'what if' in life and now I have fulfilled it, thanks to his help.

My heart fills with the warmth of my love for him as I am writing this.

On Thursday I received a text message from him as I was leaving college at 6pm.

'When are you coming home darling, what do you want for dinner?'

I was so touched, never before has he done this but it was such a wonderful gesture.

He also made extra for my lunch the next day and packed it in a lunch box in the fridge. I felt so looked after and loved.  I also did when I received my maintenance spanking. 

Sounds crazy I know, but it was him keeping our family on the straight and narrow, keeping me submissive and respectful and all harmony was restored.

So darling this is directly to you.  Thank you for helping me to make my dreams come true.  Thank you for supporting me and for encouraging me to do this.  I could never have done it without you and I can't really believe that I have finished it.  Thank you darling.  I love you so very very much.  I am a very lucky woman.